A Friend's Birthday Party

A few weeks ago, Shayne and Maya got invited to a birthday party for one of their neighborhood friends. It was perfect, because it was at the playground that is about 50 yards from our house, and the friend is someone who they play with almost every day. Social gatherings always take special consideration for us. Among them are:

• Do we know all the people that will be there? Do they know us? Do they know about Maya? Sometimes she blends right in, sometimes she really doesn't.


• Will there be things that she will see that she won't leave alone like a fish tank, breakable figurines, a pool table, treats that are reachable, etc.?


• Is there a quick "escape route" in case things go awry?


• Will Shayne still be able to stay if Maya can't?

That is the short list...there are a lot more. Anyway, this party went great. She spent some time playing the kids and some time on her own, which was easy to do because they were outside, no feeling trapped. There were treats out the whole time and she was very polite and waited patiently for the time to have the treats (gift bags, cake, soda). That was a huge step in the right direction, because there have been times (a year or more ago mostly) where she can't move past something like getting all of the cookies and we spend the whole time we are at the event fighting her away from the cookie plate, making a scene. There wasn't anything to break because we were outside, so that was relieving. The other kids (most of whom we knew, but there were a few new faces) were very nice and they all played well. Although we did not need to make a quick exit, it was comforting knowing that we had a very quick and easy escape route if anything turned south. I also think it was comforting to her to know she could just walk back to her own house whenever she had enough.

You may have guessed that with all of these considerations, a lot of times when we are invited to gatherings, we just don't go. That has been the case sometimes, especially a year or more ago when public meltdowns were more frequent. More recently, everything is often fine and goes relatively smoothly, but things are seldom relaxing, because we are always running scenarios through our heads and being proactive to prevent possible problems. Attending gatherings is always a gamble, but circumstances make the odds better or worse that we will be successful, and as she has gotten older, she is much easier to calm and be reasoned with.

At this party she followed directions from the birthday boy's mom for taking a photo, opening gifts and sitting at the table for cake and was very polite the whole time. Shayne had fun too and Rick and I were even able to relax a bit. It was a huge success, I think partially because the circumstances were good (location, familiar faces, etc) and because she is maturing and doing better all around at being socially appropriate.

We were very happy that all went well, and we are going to try another birthday party next weekend for another boy that both of the kids play with a lot. We're hoping for the best!