Being Proactive: Preparing for New Situations

One thing that really helps all young children, especially those with autism, is knowing what to expect in a new situation. Preparing a child with autism ahead of time for what to expect and what they can do in a new situation makes everyone more comfortable. Children on the autism spectrum, and many other types of children also, experience high levels of anxiety when they are in new places or new situations that confuse or disorient them. Throw in the delayed language skills, and it is also difficult if not impossible for them to ask questions, describe their fears or to be calmed by a verbal explanation from a trusted adult.

So what can be done to prepare them? We had a lot of success last summer with using a story book sort of format to prepare Maya for new situations. Often, stories like this that are specifically designed for kids on the autism spectrum are called social stories. Visuals are essential to this, and google images is a valuable resource for finding almost any kind of image. This is a book I made for Maya last summer to get her ready for the airplane trip back to Maryland. It only took a few minutes with google images. I was even able to quickly find pictures of actual books, toys and food we have, in addition to a Southwest airplane and other very specific things. I love google images!! Another thing to keep in mind when making one if these, is to think of all of the steps, including waiting, security, baggage claim, etc. A year ago last summer, I learned that the hard way...I told Maya as we were getting off the plane we were going to see Grandma, but actually we had to go to baggage claim first, which included about 800 strangers, all kinds of noise and a 20 minute wait (all about 3 hours after her normal bedtime), which triggered the only meltdown we had on that travel day. This book worked like a charm and Maya would refer to it before the trip, during the trip to see what was next and after the trip to look at what we did. My mom actually made her one for the trip down to North Carolina the following week and that worked very well too. I'm sure this sort of thing would be effective for any toddler or preschooler, especially the ones who don't like their routines interrupted. Click here to see the book, Our Airplane Trip. It shows up on a website called scribd, which is the only way I know how to post a pdf so far...

Ear Infections, Dental Problems and Allergies, Oh My!

Maya is just getting over a second ear infection, or more likely a recurrence of the one that she had in December. It has always been her pattern when she gets a cold or any sort of congestion that lasts for more than a day or two, to get an ear infection a few weeks later, and then when she goes on antibiotics, it goes away, or at least feels better for awhile. More often than not, after a few weeks pass, her ears hurt again and we are back at the doctor's office for more antibiotics. This has happened many, many times and it is happening again right now. She is on her second course of antibiotics.
She also needs more dental work than you would think a little girl whose family tries to take good care of her would need. Her awesome dentist, who we really, really like, wants to give her general anesthesia to take care of all of the issues, clean her teeth and get x-rays. That is happening in February.
We also suspect that one factor in her recurring ear infections may be allergies. We are taking her to the allergist next month too. All of those things are related to each other, I'm sure, so I hope we can make good progress in all three areas and get her as healthy as possible. I will keep you posted on how all three situations unfold over the next few weeks and weather or not we find out any new information.

Spontaneous Yes and No

I tend to view progress incrementally. Maybe that is part of being a teacher. I break progress down into small parts sometimes separating skills into sub-skills. I was thinking of this today in regard to Maya's fairly new skill of answering questions using yes and no. The first accomplishment that Maya made in this area was a few months ago, when she would answer yes and no accurately when given the choice at the end of a question. For instance we would ask her, "Do you want to go outside? Yes or no?" and she would answer. During the past few weeks she has started to answer questions by saying yes or no without having to be offered the choice. If we ask, "Do you want to go outside?" she may just say "Yes"' on her own. This is helping her to communicate all kinds of things to us. It is helping us to help her put her feelings into words. She usually ends up coming to lay down by me sometime between 3:00 and when we get up at 6:30. A few days ago, she didn't so she was still asleep in her room when I woke her up at 6:30. She was very sad and whiny while getting ready for school. After about 10 minutes of struggling, I asked her, "Are you sad because when you woke up you were in your bed and not mommy's bed?" and she answered sadly, "yes". We would never have gotten an answer to that question even a month or two ago. We may have guessed at what was bothering her, but we would not have known. This may seem like a small step, but naming her emotions and the reasons behind them is an abstract and difficult skill, which we can now help her to do. This is just one way that her spontaneous use of yes and no is helping us to communicate with her better. It seems that along with this she is answering other types of questions more frequently also. We are excited to hear all that she has to say!

Continuing to Catch Up: The Same Event One Year Later

On December 14th, we went to Williams, AZ to ride the Polar Express Train. You can read about it and/or see some photos here. We did the same thing in December 2008. You can read about that and/or see photos here. Anyway, I know this is the case with all kids, but with autism we really feel like progress is not always linear. It is very much two steps forward, one step back, even when things are going well. Sometimes we can feel and see amazing progress being made. Other times, there are regressions which can be very upsetting. It was helpful for Rick and I to be able to compare our Polar Express trip in 2009 with the trip in 2008. The circumstances were very similar, but Maya was one year older and one year more grown up. Here were some of the highlights:

• Last year, had a hard time waiting to get there (the car ride is about 2 1/2 hours long) This year she waited patiently, enjoying the scenery and the music in the car.


• Last year, she was running around all over the halls in the hotel. This year, she stood by us (mostly) and waited to walk with us to the room.


• Last year, she got very impatient in the line at the train station and started to whine and have a fit, going totally floppy or trying to physically struggle to the front of the line (it takes about 20 minutes for the other passengers to get off the train and for them to start boarding the new passengers). This year, she waited patiently and understood the explanations like "The other people have to get off of the train" and "The workers are cleaning the train" and "We have to wait in line for our turn".


• Last year she didn't sing along with the Christmas songs (but enjoyed them), this year she did sing some and followed along with a lot of the actions :)

These may seem like small steps, but considering some of our roughest times are times when we are out of our normal routine, her adapability, flexibility and ability to understand all of our explanations of what was going to happen next was amazing and made the trip relaxing and fun. After years of being completely stressed when we are away from home, it was so great to be able to enjoy ourselves together, and so great to see Maya enjoy herself and not be so anxious and scared of what was happening around her.

A Friend's Birthday Party

A few weeks ago, Shayne and Maya got invited to a birthday party for one of their neighborhood friends. It was perfect, because it was at the playground that is about 50 yards from our house, and the friend is someone who they play with almost every day. Social gatherings always take special consideration for us. Among them are:

• Do we know all the people that will be there? Do they know us? Do they know about Maya? Sometimes she blends right in, sometimes she really doesn't.


• Will there be things that she will see that she won't leave alone like a fish tank, breakable figurines, a pool table, treats that are reachable, etc.?


• Is there a quick "escape route" in case things go awry?


• Will Shayne still be able to stay if Maya can't?

That is the short list...there are a lot more. Anyway, this party went great. She spent some time playing the kids and some time on her own, which was easy to do because they were outside, no feeling trapped. There were treats out the whole time and she was very polite and waited patiently for the time to have the treats (gift bags, cake, soda). That was a huge step in the right direction, because there have been times (a year or more ago mostly) where she can't move past something like getting all of the cookies and we spend the whole time we are at the event fighting her away from the cookie plate, making a scene. There wasn't anything to break because we were outside, so that was relieving. The other kids (most of whom we knew, but there were a few new faces) were very nice and they all played well. Although we did not need to make a quick exit, it was comforting knowing that we had a very quick and easy escape route if anything turned south. I also think it was comforting to her to know she could just walk back to her own house whenever she had enough.

You may have guessed that with all of these considerations, a lot of times when we are invited to gatherings, we just don't go. That has been the case sometimes, especially a year or more ago when public meltdowns were more frequent. More recently, everything is often fine and goes relatively smoothly, but things are seldom relaxing, because we are always running scenarios through our heads and being proactive to prevent possible problems. Attending gatherings is always a gamble, but circumstances make the odds better or worse that we will be successful, and as she has gotten older, she is much easier to calm and be reasoned with.

At this party she followed directions from the birthday boy's mom for taking a photo, opening gifts and sitting at the table for cake and was very polite the whole time. Shayne had fun too and Rick and I were even able to relax a bit. It was a huge success, I think partially because the circumstances were good (location, familiar faces, etc) and because she is maturing and doing better all around at being socially appropriate.

We were very happy that all went well, and we are going to try another birthday party next weekend for another boy that both of the kids play with a lot. We're hoping for the best!